Shiver me Tinder

Given the surplus of #SingleGirlProblems on Twitter, the internet’s overwhelming obsession with cats, and the fact that wine ice cream even exists, it’s pretty clear that the world is made up of single ladies (cue Beyoncé). If you feel like Johnny Lee circa 1980 and are lookin’ for love in all the wrong places, maybe it’s time you tried a little TLC: Tinder Loving Care.

Tinder is a high-speed dating app that is helping millennials across the globe get their digital flirt on, hopefully leading to an in-person rendezvous followed by some booty a new relationship. The app basically shows you pictures of people near your geographic location, and then lets you “pass” (swipe left) or “like” (swipe right) each one.

What’s cool is that you can only message your “matches,” or people who thought you were swipe-right-able too, so you won’t end up with a bunch of fuglies blowing up your iPhone. Their tagline is, “Go ahead, judge a book by its cover.”

(Totally kidding, nowhere on Tinder’s website does it ever say that. They’re all about creating “Tinder Moments.” Personally I would have gone with “Love Me Tinder,” but weirdly their marketing strategist didn’t ask me.)

That’s actually the part of Tinder that I’m not crazy about. I think that there should be a little more to it than reviewing a person’s profile picture. I don’t need a smartphone app to only talk to guys who think I’m cute. That’s what I do all the time. It’s called GOING TO A BAR. To me, the draw of online dating would be that you are matched with people who share your interests, not just who have a thing for blondes.

Now I’ve watched my fair share of MTV’s Catfish and am all too familiar with the heartache that accompanies meeting romantic interests through your LCD screen, not to mention that making a Tinder account in a small town could definitely get weird, but in a big city, Tinder is legit. Despite my skepticism about its morality and my newfound fear of being catfished, most of my single friends in NYC are on Tinder and are already going out for drinks with investment bankers and stuff. Like, easy there, Tinderella, your pumpkin carriage might turn out to have a dog named Precious and a 15-foot pit in his basement at midnight.

Ultimately the real allure of Tinder is that it makes finding a date–usually a daunting if not traumatic experience–casual and fun. Who doesn’t want to anonymously appraise strangers based on their looks over a bottle of wine with their girlfriends? It’s like sexting meets drinking game meets Facebook stalking. In other words, count me in.