Category Archives: Gossip

Some prefer the term “News”

The Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show

It’s the most wonderful time of the year!DownloadedFile_2
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Would you like some pita with that Hamas?

Toute de suite, everyone’s all, “Hamas is going to destroy Israel!” and I’m all, “Take a chill pill xanax. Sure, olive oil has a deceivingly high fat content, but isn’t pita bread the real enemy–” OH.
19 oz of crushed chickpeas and 2 tbs of tahini do not a militant fundamentalist organization make, and Khaled Meshaal is not served with tapenade.
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No Country for Old Penis

Everyone who’s anyone is involved in the General Petraeus scandal. I mean really, at this point I just feel left out…

In a nuthouse nutshell, General David Petraeus made the mistake of having an extramarital affair with this super intense West Point chick, Paula Broadwell, who was writing her doctoral dissertation on their pillow talk. They even set up an email account where they saved their sexts as drafts, a technique used by terrorist organizations. Nothing says romance like an illegal gmail account.
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If you’ve been keeping up with the Weather Channel, you’re probably quoting Danny from Grease this very moment… “Sandy, Sandy, why-yi-yi-yi-yi, oh, Sandy?!”

Hurricane “Post-tropical superstorm” Sandy (as she’s going by these days) is wreaking havoc across the Northeast of the US. To those who have suffered and will suffer from the aftermath of this natural disaster, know that you’re in our prayers. Every stormcloud has a silver lining: unity. We’re all in this together. God bless America.

Eurotrash 22-10-2012

As if living in Paris hasn’t left me broke enough already, the Euro exchange has gotten worse since my last post.

If those numbers mean nothing to you, basically the significance is that since my last Eurotrash update, those numbers at the bottom have gotten bigger, which is bad news bears for us Americans pretending to be French people.

For you non-econ majors, if 1 Coca Light was worth 1.3 Diet Cokes, now 1 Coca Light is worth 1.3 Diet Cokes with Sonic ice.

Mitt Romney is so not fetch.

Evil takes human form in Mitt Romney. Don’t be fooled, he might seem like your typical uptight, sexist, GOP presidential candidate, but in reality, he is so much more than that. He tries to act all innocent like, “Oh, I used to live in Michigan with my 5 little sons and my little wifey!” but by asserting the need to overturn Roe-vs-Wade on his 2012 campaign website and saying that he would end federal aid to Planned Parenthood, Romney is facilitating the GOP’s war on women. A hypocrite, Mitt Romney opposed gay marriage in a speech about the “freedom to build life” in America. Why would he do this? Because he’s a life ruiner. He ruins people’s lives! Romney wants to reward the wealthy with more tax breaks, paid for by raising middle class taxes. He has no plans to withdraw our troops from Afghanistan. He is against affirmative action. Mitt Romney a grotsky little byotch bigot. In short, MITT ROMNEY CAN’T SIT WITH US!!!!

P.S. The French are all about some BO. It’s Obamarama over here.

Commemorating 9-11-01

As trite and inadequate as a single blog post is to recognize the September 11 attacks, today, on the eleventh anniversary, I would like to honor the thousands of people who were taken too soon, remember the devastating loss, and reflect on the preciousness of life, as well as salute the spirit of unity that came in the aftermath of this unimaginable tragedy. The best of humanity can overcome the worst of hate.

God bless America.

Joyeux Anniversaire!

I would like to take this opportunity to wish a happy birthday to a beautiful, powerful woman, who has played a very important role in my life; one who I consider an inspiration, if not my role model; one who I called my favorite American philosopher and quoted in my chapel talk at Asheville School; one whose name I adopted as my own during my Junior year of high school, changing my Facebook name to “Lucy SashaFierce H*bb,” writing it on my exams, and even being called “Sasha” by my teachers. Joyeux anniversaire, Beyoncé!

Just kidding, Beyoncé’s birthday was yesterday, obviously. I would, however, like to wish a happy birthday to my wonderful grandmother–can anyone say GILF (Grandma I’d like to….)–Dr. Frankie Hagan, aka Gigi. Continue reading