As Blog is My Witness

VDM

Posted on November 24, 2012 | 2 comments

VDM is the French version of FML.

It stands for Vie de Merde, and the site contains vos histoires de la vie quotidienne (your everyday life stories). Their slogan is “Ma vie c’est de la merde, et je vous emmerde,” which kind of means “My life is sh*t, and I don’t give a f*ck.” This isn’t a direct translation. Technically it means “My life, it’s of sh*t, and I f*ck you,” but somehow I don’t think that’s exactly what the French are trying to say. Either way, it’s a little more harsh than FML’s subtitle, which is “Get the guts to spill the beans.”
Continue reading →

2 Comments

Posted in .edu, Salopes Aiment Ceci

Would you like some pita with that Hamas?

Posted on November 23, 2012 | 1 comment

Toute de suite, everyone’s all, “Hamas is going to destroy Israel!” and I’m all, “Take a ~~chill pill~~ xanax. Sure, olive oil has a deceivingly high fat content, but isn’t pita bread the real enemy–” OH.
19 oz of crushed chickpeas and 2 tbs of tahini do not a militant fundamentalist organization make, and Khaled Meshaal is not served with tapenade.
Continue reading →

1 Comment

Posted in Gossip

Bouledogues et Bébés

Posted on November 18, 2012 | Leave a comment

Should small children be allowed in formal settings or not…it’s one of those controversial social topics, much like gay marriage or the sanctity of life. Normally I consider myself pretty liberal in these areas (healthcare for all! let them get married!), but this is where I draw the line: do not bring a screaming infant into a fancy restaurant!

Continue reading →

Leave a comment

Posted in Paris, Salopes Aiment Ceci

No Country for Old Penis

Posted on November 17, 2012 | Leave a comment

Everyone who’s anyone is involved in the General Petraeus scandal. I mean really, at this point I just feel left out…

In a ~~nuthouse~~ nutshell, General David Petraeus made the mistake of having an extramarital affair with this super intense West Point chick, Paula Broadwell, who was writing her doctoral dissertation on their pillow talk. They even set up an email account where they saved their sexts as drafts, a technique used by terrorist organizations. Nothing says romance like an illegal gmail account.
Continue reading →

Leave a comment

Posted in Gossip

I fell for (and on) my prof…

Posted on November 17, 2012 | Leave a comment

Speaking of faux pas, last week I may or may not have straddled my professor…
Continue reading →

Leave a comment

Posted in Paris

Mot du Jour: Faux Pas

Posted on November 17, 2012 | 1 comment

Faux pas: social blunder. You know, like wearing colors in Paris or Abercrombie past the 8th grade.

Drinking a Natty with a cop might be a faux pas. Whatever the hell I’m wearing in this photo would also fall into that category…

1 Comment

Posted in .edu, Mot du Jour

Mot du Jour: Pompette

Posted on November 9, 2012 | Leave a comment

Pompette: basically the equivalent of “tipsy” en anglais. As in it’s only okay for girls to use this word, and even then not really.

So the next time you get into the cups and your host Madame is all, “Oh, tu es ivre (drunk)! Vraiment beurré (wasted/buttered)!” You can be all, “Nonnnn, je ne suis pas ivre! Je suis juste pompette.”

Leave a comment

Posted in .edu, Mot du Jour

Oui ou Non? Karaoke

Posted on November 6, 2012 | 2 comments

Oui, karaoke was all the rage in Cannes (les français just couldn’t get enough of us! <<<<so we thought…), but I have yet to encounter it in Paris. If anyone knows any good spots, holla at me.